Cold day, Wednesday

It's the last Wednesday of classes! That means that at 4:30, I will have no more Shakespeare, and at 7:50, I will have no more Lit. No more Shakespeare = sadness, no more Lit = ecstasy.
For the past few days I've been wearing the bracelet that Will gave me for Christmas. Pink sapphires are one of my favorite gems, probably because Mom gave me that ring on my 14th birthday. Man, I have such a connection with jewelry. I'm such a lady.
I suppose I should finally finish reading Hamlet, seeing as today's the last day of class and we're seeing the play in three days (holy crap three days!)
I'm still so stressed about NCSU, but last night I started thinking about what if I do get in. That would be such a huge change. I'd get my own place, I'd be in an actual city, and it would just be Will and me. That's such a bizarre thought. A cool thought, in an adult way, but that makes it even more of a bizarre thought for me. I'm not an adult, am I? I mean, I went to a sex toy party. I can go to clubs. I can buy my own place, if I really wanted to. I'm in college, for Pete's sake. I guess I am an adult. I've been so busy fearing NCSU's rejection letter that I completely forgot to consider the consequences of an acceptance letter. Weird.
Okay. Now for Hamlet.

Man, a whole week!

It's been a whole week since I updated. Lots going on, lots left to do. It's hard to keep track of everything, but let's document some stuff, shall we?
So, I'm onto my fourth week of Phoenix work out of five (and the fifth week is just the final exam and shit like that). Thank goodness. This stuff is just so time consuming, and, although the actual work isn't hard whatsoever, the grading process freaks me out. All of the things I turn in end up adding to 100 points. Thus, for every point I get off of a single assignment, that's one full point taken out of my 100 point grade. Right now I'm at 33.5/34 (which translates to 99.5/100) so I'm nerve-wracked about getting more wrong. Being a perfectionist is a debilitating condition.
This Saturday, Joss and I are going to see Hamlet at the Folger Shakespeare Library in DC. I keep forgetting about it, though, because of everything else going on, which is sad because I'm so excited to see it. So what generally happens is I'll be sad about not seeing Will and tunnel-focused because I'm doing work, and suddenly this Saturday will pop into my head and I get really happy, and then the cycle repeats itself. It's an interesting time.
I'm getting more and more nervous and anxious about my NCSU decision. I really don't want to get rejected. Yes, a main reason for my rejection-fear is that I want to be in Raleigh with Will next year (and that's a big reason), but I'm also so worried because I know if I get rejected it'll crush my self esteem that I've worked for so long to preserve. I remember last summer too well - just lying in my bed for days, my mom worrying about me, only leaving my house when I had therapy or when Geneva would come and make me get out of my bed. Those days are negative fun. They're terrible and awful, and I don't want to go back to them, but my self confidence can be such a shaky thing, especially my confidence in my intelligence (which I feel is a shaky thing in most people), and I know that I'll take an NCSU rejection as a jab at my intelligence and self worth. So there you go. In Psych, we learned that people are more prone to depression when they feel like they have no control over their life, so I've been fighting back depression for a while. It's just that more and more things keep happening that are outside of my control (deaths, hurricanes, college admissions, life in general).
Fun times! However, life is feeling pretty okay most of the time, and I really do love my friends here. They like my randomosity and ridiculousity, or at least they tolerate it, and it's really nice to feel loved and to love back.

GSD!

Taking care of business, one piece at a time. I only hope it ends up paying off in the end. I've put in too much hard work to be rejected now.
I turned in my Psych essay tonight after Julie looked over it for me one last time. That was so sweet of her =] I'm happy.
I miss the William already. It's hard having him here and then just suddenly not, like he was never actually here at all. Oh well. At least I have pictures.
I should put those pictures up tomorrow! And I should put up a couple of videos... yes, please.
This week will not suck. This week will not suck. Repeat my mantra.
Everything's going to be alright.

Hopefully this will help my writer's block

It's busy week for Caroline! At least I will be rewarded with a Will bearing presents in the end (and three less papers to write). I'm starting on my Shakespeare paper. I have my intro paragraph, and I really like it. I called Will and had him talk through some other ideas with me, so now I think I've got a pretty good ground to start the body of my paper. I just need to outline it and probably get off Facebook.
Stupid Facebook.
Goodness gracious was it nice to not sleep on an air mattress in Carlo and Charles' room last night. I actually got some sleep! I am happy. It's amazing how grumpy and irritible I get when I have no privacy. I mean, I have no privacy in my room either (Nique Nique Nique Nique) but at least occasionally she leaves the room so that I can break wind or sigh really loudly without being asked "Caroline, are you okay?" No, I'm not okay. Everyone except Charles and Abby are dating around here and snuggling and giggling and kissing and whispering, and all I have to connect me to Will is my cell phone which keeps dying on me after three minutes of conversations. And I hate to sound angry about this; I'm so happy that all of my friends have their significant others (who are also my friends) and so they can live happily and sexually satisfied and have someone on campus to comfort them when they're sad or to yell at when their angry or to sleep in their rooms when they don't want to go back to theirs. I'm just jealous of y'all. Really, really, remarkably jealous. I have the boyfriend. I have the love. I have the happy relationship. I just don't have the close proximity, and it's one of the most frustrating things in the world (almost as frustrating as a Rubix cube).
I guess tonight I'm just upset about how out of my control my fate for next semester is. I'm jumping through every hoop NCSU gives me. If they don't accept me, there's a good chance I won't leave my house all summer. And sadly, I'm not kidding.

The recent is decent

I like rhyming.

Lately things haven't been too hardcore bad, which is pretty good. Then again, maybe it's just everything seems tolerable when compared to my past couple of weeks, but whatever.

Will's in Slidell without me right now. I can't even begin to describe how bizarre that is. Slidell is my home, and Will is there helping out and working on the mission trip I started and ran for practically three years. He's at my old church, the church that I grew up in, and seeing my old friends and eating Sonic and Cici's and Ryan's and Times and beignets and gumbo like I used to all the time, and driving past CC's coffeehouse, LG's and my favorite place to get coffee. It's just really kinda sad how jealous I am of him right now and how much I miss him and how much I want to be there instead of doing silly old college work and going to silly little college classes.

Oh well. At least this week won't be too terrible.

I start my University of Phoenix class tomorrow. I sure hope I get an A in that class and that NC State sees how committed I am and doesn't make me jump through any more hoops and just accepts me as soon as possible, dammit.

Hey! It's beautiful outside! To wear pajama pants, a dress, or shorts... hmm... decisions, decisions.

Scary dreams and not knowing what day it is

Today is a GSD day (hopefully). Then again, most days are GSD days for me.

I just woke up from an intensely scary dream. I was back in Louisiana and yet still in Maryland (doesn't make sense) and I get a call from my orthodontist (not my real orthodontist in real life - just this 25-ear-old looking guy who looks kinda cute and kinda sleezy). My orthodontist then tells me how pretty I am or something, and then I'm riding in the passenger side of a car down Harpers Choice in HoCo, but nobody else is in the car. The orthodontist offers me a $10 meeting or something if I show up with no clothes, and I ask (teasingly) if I could get retainers for free, and then suddenly I get this bad feeling and I slide over to the driver's side of the car and start driving down the road when suddenly the guy appears next to me and tries to rape me while I'm still driving, and I try to get the attention of passing drivers but nothing works. Luckily, I woke up in time before there was anything actually happened. Ugh. Terrifying. It was in broad daylight, too.

So there's that.

And then I keep forgetting that it's almost the end of the week and that I should probably, oh I dunno, pack or something. This is just one of those weeks that feels like it will never end, but not because it's going so slowly, but because there was just so much going on.

To the shower! To the sink (to brush my teeth)! To the closet to put on pants!

I sure do hope that today's a good day. Maybe I'll wear my zebra shorts!