I really like strengthening old friendships

So, tonight I was on the phone with my friend Nicole for a good long time, and during our conversation (mind you, it's almost two o'clock so obviously it's late-night Caroline time) I told Nicole about my theory since I was a little lady - that, if there is a God, my life must be a soap opera in Heaven. Because the things that happen to me aren't necessarily normal. I'm not saying my life is terrible or anything because it's not. I have wonderful, loving friends, a wonderful, loving family, a roof over my head, food in my fridge, a bed to sleep in, and enough money and privilege to get a college education. I've got a lot of stuff going for me, but, similar to bad soap opera writing, the weirdest plot twists occur in my life. A crazy weird childhood, a crazy weird adolescence, and what it turning into a crazy weird young adulthood, with traumatic childhood experiences, a hurricane, and impulsive decisions leading to heartbreak all included. So this is what I've decided:
I'm going to switch majors and become a chemist. As a chemist, I'm going to discover a chemical that makes people absolutely ginormous once ingested. I'm going to eat said chemical and grow super duper tall until I can totally reach into Heaven and have a brutal thumb war with God over whether or not my life can ever just let me truly be happy instead of making me anticipate and worry about my next plot twist. I'm not really sure who will win - I mean, God's a pretty strong dude/ladyfriend, but I've got a lot of pent up aggression.
Anyway, just thought I'd let you know how awesome I am after midnight. Because I'm pretty fucking awesome.

Depressing dream

I had a dream last night in the few hours that I slept that I just kept trying and trying to win back Will. Apparently I was a doctor and I had to compete in challenges against this new girl that Will was dating. In the end, right as I was about to win, I woke up.
Why does this have to be so hard? Why couldn't we have just tried to work through it?
I know the answers to both of those things. I just don't like them, so it's hard to accept them.
Sorry for the depressing post. I'm trying to just remember that I get to see my family and then I'll be in St Mary's this weekend, but it's a really hard thing to focus on when I feel so alone and unwanted.
But I don't like to talk about these things with anyone because it's not like anything between me and Will is going to change in the way that I want it to, so what's the goddamn point?
Sad. Sad sad. Sad sad sad. Sigh.

Loneliness, sunburn, and homework

1. I'm kinda pissed, but mainly just lonely and depressed, and there is no one with whom to snuggle or cuddle or nuzzle in my apartment. It's overwhelming how sad that thought is for me. I started the ball rolling with a small step, and he kept pushing it and pushing it until now it's this big snowball of me being sad all the time and having no clarification. So that's cool beans.
2. I got sunburned in a few random places this past weekend at the beach. There are two lines that make up two sides of a triangle that are framing my ass, there's a dot on my back, a burn on top of one of my ears, and a line on my shoulder. Needless to say, it's a little hilarious.
3. Driving is the only way to get away from here, but it saps up so much time that I should be devoting to studying and homework. And then when I finally have time to do homework, I feel to tired and/or sad to want to do my homework.
Oh well. So goes life.
I miss having a giant support group, and I miss having a particular man as my boyfriend, but sometimes life gives you a big bucket of crap and tells you to make lemonade. The end.