So, tonight I was on the phone with my friend Nicole for a good long time, and during our conversation (mind you, it's almost two o'clock so obviously it's late-night Caroline time) I told Nicole about my theory since I was a little lady - that, if there is a God, my life must be a soap opera in Heaven. Because the things that happen to me aren't necessarily normal. I'm not saying my life is terrible or anything because it's not. I have wonderful, loving friends, a wonderful, loving family, a roof over my head, food in my fridge, a bed to sleep in, and enough money and privilege to get a college education. I've got a lot of stuff going for me, but, similar to bad soap opera writing, the weirdest plot twists occur in my life. A crazy weird childhood, a crazy weird adolescence, and what it turning into a crazy weird young adulthood, with traumatic childhood experiences, a hurricane, and impulsive decisions leading to heartbreak all included. So this is what I've decided:
I'm going to switch majors and become a chemist. As a chemist, I'm going to discover a chemical that makes people absolutely ginormous once ingested. I'm going to eat said chemical and grow super duper tall until I can totally reach into Heaven and have a brutal thumb war with God over whether or not my life can ever just let me truly be happy instead of making me anticipate and worry about my next plot twist. I'm not really sure who will win - I mean, God's a pretty strong dude/ladyfriend, but I've got a lot of pent up aggression.
Anyway, just thought I'd let you know how awesome I am after midnight. Because I'm pretty fucking awesome.
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I love you. This is a fantastic plan.
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