I had a dream last night in the few hours that I slept that I just kept trying and trying to win back Will. Apparently I was a doctor and I had to compete in challenges against this new girl that Will was dating. In the end, right as I was about to win, I woke up.
Why does this have to be so hard? Why couldn't we have just tried to work through it?
I know the answers to both of those things. I just don't like them, so it's hard to accept them.
Sorry for the depressing post. I'm trying to just remember that I get to see my family and then I'll be in St Mary's this weekend, but it's a really hard thing to focus on when I feel so alone and unwanted.
But I don't like to talk about these things with anyone because it's not like anything between me and Will is going to change in the way that I want it to, so what's the goddamn point?
Sad. Sad sad. Sad sad sad. Sigh.
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:'( this makes my "comeee bacccck" comment be even shittier than i meant it to be (it wasnt meant to me at all btw)
ReplyDeletei love you. you will get through this. I PROMISE YOU THAT.
you're not unwanted--- I cant even begin to imagine how hard it is to be in the situation you are in right now...but you'll never be alone.
i adore you, mama.