Man, a whole week!

It's been a whole week since I updated. Lots going on, lots left to do. It's hard to keep track of everything, but let's document some stuff, shall we?
So, I'm onto my fourth week of Phoenix work out of five (and the fifth week is just the final exam and shit like that). Thank goodness. This stuff is just so time consuming, and, although the actual work isn't hard whatsoever, the grading process freaks me out. All of the things I turn in end up adding to 100 points. Thus, for every point I get off of a single assignment, that's one full point taken out of my 100 point grade. Right now I'm at 33.5/34 (which translates to 99.5/100) so I'm nerve-wracked about getting more wrong. Being a perfectionist is a debilitating condition.
This Saturday, Joss and I are going to see Hamlet at the Folger Shakespeare Library in DC. I keep forgetting about it, though, because of everything else going on, which is sad because I'm so excited to see it. So what generally happens is I'll be sad about not seeing Will and tunnel-focused because I'm doing work, and suddenly this Saturday will pop into my head and I get really happy, and then the cycle repeats itself. It's an interesting time.
I'm getting more and more nervous and anxious about my NCSU decision. I really don't want to get rejected. Yes, a main reason for my rejection-fear is that I want to be in Raleigh with Will next year (and that's a big reason), but I'm also so worried because I know if I get rejected it'll crush my self esteem that I've worked for so long to preserve. I remember last summer too well - just lying in my bed for days, my mom worrying about me, only leaving my house when I had therapy or when Geneva would come and make me get out of my bed. Those days are negative fun. They're terrible and awful, and I don't want to go back to them, but my self confidence can be such a shaky thing, especially my confidence in my intelligence (which I feel is a shaky thing in most people), and I know that I'll take an NCSU rejection as a jab at my intelligence and self worth. So there you go. In Psych, we learned that people are more prone to depression when they feel like they have no control over their life, so I've been fighting back depression for a while. It's just that more and more things keep happening that are outside of my control (deaths, hurricanes, college admissions, life in general).
Fun times! However, life is feeling pretty okay most of the time, and I really do love my friends here. They like my randomosity and ridiculousity, or at least they tolerate it, and it's really nice to feel loved and to love back.