DON'T PANIC

Up late interneting for no particular reason except that I don't feel like going to sleep yet even though I should.
So let me clear up some thing, just in case you didn't already know: I don't like waiting. In fact, I absolutely hate waiting because when I wait for something, I start planning for that something, and things never turn out the way they're supposed to.
Let me repeat: never do they turn out the way they're supposed to.
So I should just stop making plans, right? But then I have nothing to look forward to, and for me, having nothing to look forward to equates with having no reason to get out of bed.
Drama drama drama. It's flying through my head. There is so much to take care of, so much planning to do - for tomorrow, for this weekend, for next week, for next semester, for next year, for the rest of my life. For so long I thought that I wanted to find someone to love me forever in a way I'd never thought I could experience. And I still want that, but with all of this waiting for that to happen, more things pop up that I feel the impulse to do.
For too long, I locked myself away and made my decisions solely based on whether or not it would mean I could be with someone forever. Years ago, I got rid of my self esteem because that's how teenage girls find guys. More recently, I dropped one of the best situations I'd ever found in hopes that I'd feel wanted and loved for the rest of my life.
Plans never work out the way they're supposed to.
So now, I'm trying to not lock myself into one idea, but with all of this waiting comes all of this planning, but the planning is futile because it doesn't matter.
You know what does matter? Tattoos. Tattoos stay with you. And I want some badly. Charles inspired my most recent idea: DON'T PANIC (one word on each wrist). It's one of the mottos from The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It's also one of my favorite songs (by Coldplay), and it's a phrase that I repeat to myself every time life takes unexpected, unwanted, and unfair turns.
I painted my nails red today. I've started working out, but working out just makes me more self conscious which makes no sense.
I just want my tattoos, please. Maybe as a Christmas present from my parents.