Headphones in my ears can't drown out my mind

I have headphones in my ears. Why? Because my roommate won't shut up on the phone, of course. But one good thing has come from it: by forcing me to shove headphones in my ears, I've remembered how music makes me feel things - sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes neutral, but it's different because it's an external force turned internal in a good way instead of an external force (like Nique's voice) making me feel internal feelings that I can't act on because I'm a civilized human being, such as wanting to kick her in the mouth . Like right now. She keeps kissing the phone while making the most obnoxious "Mwah" sound. It's scary how much I want her to fail out of college.

Turning up the volume on my computer now.

I'm listening to The New Pornographers that Mark sent me today. It's pretty good. I'm going to listen to it and Ted Leo (also a Mark-gift from today) and Electricidad by Jesse y Joy tomorrow while in the car. I'm probably going to need it. Life's just a bunch of fruit, and sometimes it's nice and sweet and other times it's sour and terrible. Right now... well, it's pretty sour.

One of my friends who got in the accident (the one who was unconscious at the scene) will need a neck brace for a few months, which means he can't shower or really brush his teeth or anything. His family's going to have to buy him a hospital bed, too. It just makes me so pissed that the girl who was driving was being so reckless. She didn't even get a ticket or anything - she got a citation for going over the yellow lines. She was going 70mph in a neighborhood! My friend is seriously injured because of her! I just feel so frustrated and angry with youth and teenagers and them thinking they're invincible. Guess what. We're not. In fact, we're ridiculously vulnerable, and you just decide to fuck up the people around you. Thanks a lot.

I guess I'm just having problems with humanity?

I'm also having problems with college students. Brad asked me what grades I wanted to teach (high school) and I started talking about why I wouldn't want to teach middle school or college students, and it just brought to the front of my mind feelings of anger that I have for college students, especially honors college students. None of my friends really act this way, but so many others do, and it just pisses me off to no end. They act like because they're at an honors college, they're the smartest, brightest, most promising children in the United States. They're condescending, they're judgmental, and they have absolutely no reason to be. We're all in the same boat here, people. We all got into the same school, which shows something for our intelligence (although there are some kids here on sports scholarships that should not be considered "honors students"). Stop trying to one-up everyone else. Stop trying to assert your own intelligence so everyone around you applauds and thinks more lowly of themselves. Be humble. Be friendly. Be accepting. Be courteous, for Pete's sake. I've found so many discourteous people here at St. Mary's (and in the north in general) and it just amazes me. How can you have no manners? How can you treat other human beings in such a way?

I guess that's just been building up in me for a while.

I get to go shopping with Mom tomorrow/today, and I get to see Will, and I get to see my AHS friends and my AHS children. It should be another eventful day. I'm not sure if I have the strength, both physically or mentally, but I guess we'll see.

Hey, world. Hey, God. I love you, even though sometimes you drag me farther and farther down.

G'night.