Tattered = Online Shopping

Gotta love feeling like life isn't worth getting out of bed and being worried that everyone around you is going to get in some horrific accident. It's a problem actually having so many friends because it gives me more people to worry about. It sucks because I was actually doing a really good job staying positive and keeping those thoughts out of my head (I haven't really had any since probably November) but with my Atholton kids getting in that crash, it reminded me of my own (and everyone's) mortality. So now I'm worried about my SMCM friends, my home friends, my parents, my family, my nieces, and Will. It's not the worse kind of worrying, though, luckily. It's not the constant reminder when crossing the street that I'm probably going to get hit by a car (again); it's more the just constant dulling of my emotions and this grayish mist that's in the back of my mind (and I can actually feel it in my head, which just proves once again that I, Caroline, have too overactive of an imagination).

Man, I hate being down.

Will says he can tell when I'm getting depressed because winter's going too long because I online browse constantly to try to cheer myself up, and he is completely true. I think I've been on every department store website and every jewelry website on the internet that isn't sketchtastic. Is it weird if online browsing is a hobby of mine? Then again, I'd probably say perverse joking is also a hobby of mine and a more prevalent one in my life at that.

I should get to sleep, though. I forgot until about thirty minutes ago that I have to go to a Psych study at 11:30 in the morning. Whoops.

Maybe I should make an appointment at the heath center with a therapist. Then again, I hate therapists because they always seem to look at parts of me and not all of me, and if you don't understand all of me, you can't understand my thinking, my problems with myself, or my ways of dealing with things. Breaking in a therapist is hard, anyway. I have friends here who could probably therapatize better than someone in the heath center, anyway, if I just didn't feel like such a weirdo talking about personal, serious things. And I have Will and my parents all the time to talk to, too. Yeah. I'm okay.

I just wish I weren't down and didn't have a roommate.