Countdowns

"I asked Jerry. He told Terri. Terri sang a song just for me. Lynvall gave a message to me. Rhoda screamed and then she asked me..."
I was so angry that I had to leave St. Mary's while I was driving back to Raleigh that, during the buildup of Ted Leo's "Where Have All The Rude Boys Gone?", I almost bruised myself banging to the beat on Ferdinand's steering wheel. It gets harder and harder to leave each time I visit because I want so much to just be back and have things be simple. But I can't just not visit either. Three weeks away from the gang is about my breaking point. I almost went nuts last week waiting and feeling left out and lonely.
So now I'm back in Raleigh, and my heater's not working, and it's in the forties outside. For the record, Caroline is not a happy Caroline at this moment.
But luckily, I have my countdowns. Today, it is twenty one days until I'm home for Thanksgiving and thirty two days until I'm back at St. Mary's. And each night I go to sleep, I wake up to find the number of days is one fewer than the day before. Hour after hour, the countdown gets smaller and smaller, until it's two weeks, one week, one day, one hour. Sometimes I realize that I might end up counting down until the day I die, but that's too morbid for me to be thinking about right now.
What's important is that, in thirty two days, for a few days, I'll be giving back massages and dancing around and scooping and laughing and feeling like I'm where I belong with the people that make me the happiest I've felt in a long time. Let's think positively now, shall we? Next time I'm there, I want one-on-one time with each one of my best friends. I want to actually catch up with everyone because I love all of tem so much and want to know about what's going on in their lives and be able to cheer them up if they need it.
Tomorrow, I register for classes. I'm hoping not to have classes on Fridays so that I can come down Thursday nights and stay all weekend with the gang. That would just be majestic in every sense of the word.
Well, back to moping and freezing my ass off. I should probably do some work at some point tonight seeing as I skipped five classes these past two days. Whoops. But it was so worth it.